Many times it’s the recovering addict who makes the decision to walk away. Seeing his or her spouse or partner again after treatment and knowing the bitter history of failed promises, financial ruin, loss of reputation, dignity, perhaps even physical violence – all as a result of addiction – the recovering addict assesses the situation and recognizes there’s only one compassionate solution.
Sometimes to stay becomes too painful for the partner of the recovering addict. This goes beyond the issue of a broken heart, lack of trust, even loss of love. When the debris of the past has intruded into the present, no amount of wishing can make it go away. Perhaps walking away is the best choice in the situation. It may be only temporary, while the recovering addict and the spouse or partner continues counseling, 12-step group attendance or other therapy. It may also turn out to be a permanent solution. There is no one right answer, no single way to walk away that works for everyone.
How to Leave the Recovering Addict
For many women stuck in a relationship with a domineering alcoholic or drug addict, whether or not the individual has completed treatment for their addiction, it’s not a question of wanting to leave, but how to leave. These women face difficult choices, since many times they are completely dependent on their husbands. They have limited options, but that doesn’t mean they have no options.
If you are one of these women who wants to leave, but fears you can’t, don’t just suffer in silence. You need to set healthy boundaries with your husband. This will allow you time to get your plan together so that you can safely leave. Healthy boundaries are those that any reasonable person would agree with. You need to set these boundaries during a time when your husband is not drunk or high. Do not threaten him. That will backfire and may lead to arguments or worse. For example, you could tell your husband that you will go to your mother’s house if he comes home in a drunken stupor again – and stay there until he has sobered up. You need to mean what you say and be ready to follow through on it. If you set a boundary and don’t follow through on it, you have just created other problems for yourself.
Next, you need to take small steps to work toward your own independence. If you don’t have a job, you should try to get one, even if it’s part-time employment. This will get you out of the house and allow you to earn some money. To leave, you will need money and resources. Talk with your relatives, friends or a counselor about being able to make a life for yourself.
You may also wish to consider joining Al-Anon. This 12-step organization for those whose lives have been affected by another’s alcoholism is a fellowship whose members are dedicated to helping others in similar situations. You may be able to find help there in obtaining employment as well.
Source: Drug Addiction Treatment
